It has been four years, three months, and three days since the day that changed everything: the day my daughter, Ellie, died. Today I cried the entire way home from church. You see, a young mother brought her baby girl to our Sunday School class. Hearing that baby girl cry was all it took to … Continue reading Time heals all wounds
We learned at Ellie’s 18 week anatomy ultrasound that my pregnancy was considered high risk due to a condition called vasa previa. Basically, the blood vessels that are usually protected within the umbilical cord weren’t, and they were weaved into the membrane in the bottom of my uterus. These vessels are the baby’s lifeline. If … Continue reading A miracle birth
Dear loss dad, I see you silently standing beside your wife, a sense of calm in the midst of chaos. You wear a smile on your face, but your furrowed brow paints a different picture of the truth that lies within. You stood side by side with your wife as you watched your future unravel. … Continue reading A Letter to Bereaved Dads
With a deep sigh and fingers interlocked, we walked through the double doors of the labor and delivery unit. As fate would have it, we were ushered into the same recovery room that I was in following Ellie’s birth. This was also where Adam waited for me - anxiously pacing around while I was in … Continue reading Welcoming our rainbow baby
Dear Rhett, In 2 short weeks, I hope to hold you in my arms and soak in the sweetness of having a baby to hold. I have waited for you for years now and part of me finds it hard to believe that it may actually happen. The journey to this point has been arduous, … Continue reading A letter to my baby after loss
"This is the milestone we have been praying to meet and hopefully exceed with this pregnancy, and each day leading up to this one has brought fear and uncertainty."
I have heard hundreds of times “I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a child.” Perhaps someday I’ll write more about that, but for now here’s a glimpse of my “new normal” life as a bereaved parent two years after my daughter’s death.
“It was time to start surviving and that was going to take every ounce of my being to accomplish”
My grief journey began suddenly in 2018 when my youngest daughter, Ellie, died in my arms at just 10 days old. I was crushed. Friends, family, and strangers came together around the world and prayed for my daughter’s healing, but unfortunately God’s plan for my child did not match my own. I had been a … Continue reading Good Friday and Easter: a view from the lens of child loss
In December of 2019, I sat in my bathroom staring at a little plastic stick with two pink lines. I rubbed my eyes to be sure they weren’t telling me a lie. A knot formed in the pit of my stomach. Given the events of the last couple of years, a positive pregnancy test could … Continue reading Pregnancy After Loss
My precious child: today you would be 2 years old. The time has passed at both record speed while also dragging at a snail’s pace. Time has done that regularly since you left. I’m not the same mother I was when I gave birth to you two years ago. Your life and death has changed … Continue reading On Your 2nd Birthday
It was a cold Monday in February. We had a family meeting scheduled for 1 pm that day and I knew that we were going to receive devastating news. Adam and I didn’t talk about it, almost as though verbalizing it would somehow make it more of a reality than it already was. The time … Continue reading Saying Goodbye
On January 3, 2019, I sat in the ER with my husband as the medical team ran tests to figure out why I was having chest pain and difficulty breathing. I was terrified and began to record a goodbye video for my daughter “just in case.” In a period of 11 months my life had … Continue reading Hitting rock bottom: when life gives you more than you can handle
My husband and I have been so touched by the outpouring of love and support during our time of need. Friends and family seemed to know exactly how to be there for us in our darkest hour. To some this comes naturally, but to others they need a little extra assistance. I hope these tips … Continue reading Top 7 ways to support a bereaved parent